Sexting and Sextortion in Middle School, WHAT!!

Sexting and Sextortion, wait excuse me. Its been a thing going around for several years in the celebrity culture. A thief steals a sex tape, tries to extort them for money or they will leak out the footage exposing them (literally) to the world. Fast forward, today where everyone has a technical device. (Even my 3 year old niece has a tablet with internet access), guest where this behavior has popped up. Among our young impressionable children. In middle-school!!!

I can admit growing up my siblings and I were a little sheltered by our parents. I could only remember middle-school crushes and kisses on the cheek. It was unheard of to go beyond that. This generation of Tech Savvy tweens and teens are so much more advanced then we are. There are so many social media platforms it is mind- numbing just trying to keep up. The first time I heard about sexing was in 2012 on a national level and they were high school students. To my surprise, just two years later my baby girl enters 6th grade middle-school and it begins.

A few weeks into the 2014 school year an issue arise with a few classmates. Apparently, there was some sexting going on over that weekend and the girl decided to use the photographs to get the young man in trouble. Yes, 11 year olds sending nude pictures on social media to each other. Houston we have a problem!! So of course the conversation door of opportunity has open.

First as a parent, your child comes home upset and yells this at you. What would say? Well my reaction was not calm, I'm a tad bit extra. The first thing to blurt out my mouth was,"THIS IS EXACTLY WHY 11 YEAR OLDS DON’T NEED A PHONE NOR BE ON SOCIAL MEDIA”!! Word vomit, ugh... got everywhere. I saw my baby girls confusion and frustration, so I dialed back my rage to have a normal conversation. I was not prepared to have this dialogue about social media responsibility, this soon. I shared with my daughter, "Sadly honey, you and your peers are not mature enough to deal with the responsibilities that come with being on social media". It's bigger than the phone, I explained. All roads still lead back to social media responsibility.

This is 8th grade year and Sextotion has kicked into hyper drive however this time it’s a girl sending the photos. A female student was threatened by a male student to send nude photographs or he would rape her. Hold up, what a minute, rape! This male teenager is threatening to rape a girl for some nude pictures. Flag on the play!!! This has developed into another level that is very dangerous. Sexting and Sextortion is an issue we as parents have to get involved in sooner not later.

In their 7th grade physical ed class they have a section discussing sexting and sextortion, etc. This started in 6th grade before the class was taught. No noticed came home about either issue. We only knew of the incident because our daughter was close with the children involved. Why are we leaving this to the education system to teach our children? I myself cannot and will not sit idle by and remain just concerned about me and my household. I am sounding the alarms!!! So where do we being?

What is Sexting? According to American Academy of Pediatricians “Sexting” refers to sending a text message with pictures of children or teens that are inappropriate, naked or engaged in sex acts. According to a recent survey, about 20 percent of teen boys and girls have sent such messages. The emotional pain it causes can be enormous for the child in the picture as well as the sender and receiver--often with legal implications. Parents must begin the difficult conversation about sexting before there is a problem and introduce the issue as soon as a child is old enough to have a cell phone. Sexting may also be purely verbal and include suggestive and sexually explicit texts of sexual acts. Children under 18 who send graphic images or text to other children under 18 may be prosecuted under child pornography laws, this varies by state.

What is Sextortion? A crime of extortion as it applies to sex-related photographs sent via the internet or text messaging. If two people are sexting one another, and one of those people threatens the other with distribution of the photos, this is sextortion. Sextortion is a form of blackmail, and a means to get someone to do something against their will. Sextortion makes targets of people of all ages every day. The transgressor in possession of the explicit photos may demand money, sex, property, or some type of service from the victim in exchange for keeping the photos confidential. It’s a violation of trust and, according to psychologists, one of the most traumatic forms of emotional abuse.

No matter how mature our children think they are, they are still immature. There are things in life they are not ready to handle. For that matter, heck I am not ready for it either. I surely didn’t want to talk to my 11-year-old about sexting and sextortion, but it just got real. That I am a full blown parent tackling real-life issues, way too soon. We have a moral responsibility to raise our children up correctly. The bible says, “Train your children up in the way they should go so when they are older that word will never leave them”.

The communication goes both ways, the youth train us in the new technology and we train them to be social media savvy. Raising them to be confident young adults that won't stand for peer pressure, and who will expose wrong doings no matter what happens. We are the adults, we have to stop allowing any and everything to go on in our households. These legal repercussions are serious and it’s up to us as parents to be educated and engaged, monitoring and protecting our children.

Here are 8 tips to empower your and your child to be Social Media Savvy

1. Ongoing Communication. Empowering them to have open healthy communication with parents and or guardians. Communication is the most important thing you can have with your child. Talk to your kids, even if the issue hasn’t directly impacted your community. “Have you heard of sexting?” “Tell me what you think it is.” It is important to first know what your child’s understanding is of the issue and then add to it an age appropriate explanation. Assure your child that they can come to you with questions, concerns, and any uncomfortable text or images they receive. You’re there to help them navigate online issues and can be trusted to support them with their concerns.

2. Open discussions Q & A. Don’t be afraid to ask questions either. Find out what are they thinking about sexting and why people do it. What to do if they feel peer pressure to engage in the behavior or is it part of what they think is expected of a healthy relationship.

3. Reminder of Consequences. Remind them it is extremely easy for these photos to get out of their control and possibly on the internet. Nothing is truly ever deleted. Make sure children of all ages understand that sexting is serious and considered a crime in many jurisdictions. In all communities, there will be serious consequences, possibly involving the police, suspension from school, and notes on the sex offenders permanent record that could hurt their chances of getting into college or getting a job.

4. Continuous Education. Empowering yourself with the latest trends, technologies and resource materials. Staying current with healthy and unhealthy trends and have preventative methods planned out. Monitor headlines and the news for stories about “sexting” that illustrate the very real consequences for both senders and receivers of these images. “Have you seen this story?” “What did you think about it?” “What would you do if you were this child?”

5. Practice. Rehearse ways they can respond if asked to participate in inappropriate texting. Encourage your local school boards to have assemblies to educate parents, teachers and students.You have the Power. You don’t want to just delete the person exposing their self, you have a duty to report this behavior. Each social media platform have options to report. Always ask for parental assistance.Peer pressure. When dealing with peer pressure practice saying “No” and saying it like you mean it.

6. Be consistent. Get someone else involved. Remember if you know its wrong, don’t do it. Don’t allow fear to trick you into doing what you know you shouldn’t do.

7. Call to Action plan. Engage the conversation and get involved. If they have sent an explicit image, find out where it has been sent and remove the images. Remove images from any devices. Maybe the account needs to be shut down until they can show they are responsible. You can also request the images be removed if they have been posted by someone else on a social media account. But remember nothing is really deleted, so make wise choices.

8. Resources. Be ready for the snapback responses. Have resources handy to have age appropriate productive conversation.